he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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