Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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