she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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