I murdered the dance floor call the cops
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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