Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

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  (419): The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song. http://tfl.nu/rv8e
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  (914): View more from New York

  so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok

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  (914): so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok http://tfl.nu/x8pl
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.

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  (314): I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old. http://tfl.nu/qc6x
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  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

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  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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  (803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together... http://tfl.nu/duna
  Replies (76) Good night (2181) Bad night (6569) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  not the best booty call

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  did she squirt?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  only if tears count

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  (217): not the best booty call (1-217): did she squirt? (217): only if tears count http://tfl.nu/kmd7
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (3124)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.

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  (412): Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out. http://tfl.nu/chur
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  (707): View more from California

  After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.

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  (707): After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing. http://tfl.nu/fnd4
  Replies (10) Good night (456) Bad night (925)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly

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  (330): I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly http://tfl.nu/0xww
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  (914): View more from New York

  Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

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  (914): Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game. http://tfl.nu/xx77
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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  (270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"

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  (614): her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed" http://tfl.nu/kvl0
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".

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  (902): I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores". http://tfl.nu/4gk3
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?

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  (250): anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you. (1-250): ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine? http://tfl.nu/1018
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to

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  (574): she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to http://tfl.nu/1loy
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