after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize