Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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