Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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