Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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