What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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