It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize