Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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