We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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