paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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