speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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