In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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