apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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