So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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