I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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