There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize