How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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