She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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