So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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