If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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