Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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