when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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