peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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