I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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