He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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