I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize