If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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