i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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