I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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