if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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