Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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