We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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