guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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