3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize