I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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