will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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