Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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