Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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