I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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