i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize