I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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