so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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