I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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