everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize