from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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