you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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